SPOUSAL ABUSE is the use of force, intimidation, or manipulation—or the threat to use any of those methods—to hurt, control, or frighten an intimate partner, whether done deliberately or not. Typically, abuse is not an isolated event but part of a larger general pattern of behavior. Following is a partial list of behaviors that constitute spousal abuse.
Physical abuse includes grabbing, pushing, slapping, punching, kicking, biting, pulling hair, choking, and hitting with objects. It also includes holding, restraining, pinning down, and blocking the way.
Verbal abuse includes yelling, screaming, name-calling, foul language, put-downs, continual criticism, sarcasm, making jokes at another’s expense, making threats, creating fear with the tone or volume of one’s voice, and yelling in someone’s face. Trivializing another person’s concerns, interrupting frequently, blocking or diverting conversation, and blaming someone else for all problems in a relationship also qualify as verbal abuse.
Emotional abuse can be more subtle than other types of abuse and takes many forms.
- Domination—Acting like the boss, telling someone what they can and cannot do, forcing someone to do things against their will.
- Intimidation—Making direct or indirect threats of physical abuse, possessing weapons that instill fear, or creating fear with one’s actions, gestures, and facial expression.
- Humiliation—Embarrassing a partner in public, forcing them to do demeaning or degrading things, having or threatening to have an affair.
- Harassment—Refusing to leave a partner alone, stalking or following them around, monitoring their whereabouts.
- Withholding—Becoming emotionally unavailable to punish a partner.
- Isolation—Preventing a partner from having contact with family or friends, not letting them leave the house.
- Destruction of property—Dropping plants or dishes, breaking windows, punching a wall, kicking in a door, breaking something of emotional significance.
Sexual abuse involves the use of force, threat, or manipulation to coerce a partner into sexual activity. It includes persisting against a partner’s wishes, threatening to retaliate if sex doesn’t happen, unwanted sexual intercourse (rape), and any other forced sexual activity. Sexual abuse also includes unwanted exhibition of one’s private parts and forced viewing of pornography.
Financial abuse involves the use of economic advantage to control, frighten, or hurt a partner. It includes taking complete control of all the finances, making a partner ask for money, refusing to pay spousal or child support, and threatening to withdraw financial support. Financial neglect—such as not carrying one’s share of the economic burden of running a household—can be another form of financial abuse.