A Bridge to a Brighter Future
When we get angry, it’s usually as a defense against other, more painful feelings we would rather not experience, such as fear, shame, embarrassment, helplessness, and vulnerability. Anger momentarily numbs our emotional pain and replaces it with a short-lived sense of strength or power.
Harnessed skillfully, anger can serve as a potent fuel for meaningful action: for example, to stand up for ourselves, or to recognize and correct injustice. Without that skill, anger frequently produces serious negative consequences. It diverts us from a deeper understanding of ourselves. It keeps us from accepting full responsibility for our reactions. It leads to behavior that’s destructive to ourselves and those around us. And it typically fosters a cycle of regret, remorse, and self-loathing followed by yet more angry behavior.
To address issues that underlie angry feelings, and to help eliminate the angry and abusive behaviors they often lead to, I provide assistance through:
Individual therapy for men and women
Anger management groups for men
Anger management groups are restricted to male-identified participants to promote an open and honest exploration of the impact of gender in intimate relationships. For example, we can help each other address the higher level of fear our anger creates in our partners due to our greater strength and the advantages society grants to most of us. I refer to other therapists when someone needs a group more closely aligned with their particular needs.
Men’s Groups
Over the past 40 years, I have found that group is often the most efficient and cost-effective way to work on anger. With the support and encouragement of others, you can uncover the source of your anger, learn to express your feelings directly, eliminate angry and controlling behavior, and take charge of yourself and your life.
During your initial 12-week commitment, you’ll learn and practice basic anger management techniques and develop new attitudes about relationships. Although some group members depart after their initial 12 weeks, most people stay for a year or two, sometimes longer. Extended participation provides an opportunity to address the deeper issues that lead to destructive behavior. It also allows you to access the power of the group to fuel personal growth you might find difficult to achieve on your own.
Maximum group size is nine members. Everyone in the group attends voluntarily; with rare exceptions, court-ordered ordered clients are ineligible to participate.
Intake Procedure
Before you enter the group, we’ll have an individual session to discuss your situation in detail. From that meeting, I’ll be able to determine whether group participation is likely to help you, or whether some other format (such as individual or couples therapy) might be more useful. Our first meeting also will give you a chance to experience what it would be like to work with me and to ask any questions that concern you.
In addition, if you have a significant other, I will ask your permission to have a private, separate session with them, assuming they are open to it. This meeting is designed to provide me with a fuller picture of your relationship difficulties so that I can be more effective in helping you.
Take Steps Now
Many people wait years before they are willing to seek professional help for an anger problem. They think it’s not as bad as others say, or they believe they can fix it on their own. Meanwhile, they continue to create suffering for themselves, their intimate partners, their children, and others. Sometimes they deliver damage beyond repair to the people and relationships that are the most precious to them.
If you have an anger problem you need to deal with, don’t put it off–for your sake and the sake of those you care about. You can begin your journey immediately by reading this article and by practicing the anger management skills described here.